Category Archives: Military

Hub is Home!

Hub got home from Afghanistan the night before Thanksgiving.  So we had a lot to be thankful for.  The boys were wonderfully surprised.

Any deployment veteran will tell you: never ever tell the kids the precise date to expect Daddy’s return.

First of all, you often don’t know the date until the end.  Even if you do get the date sooner, it is subject to last-minute change or even weather delays.  Lastly, are you crazy?  Do you want your children losing their minds and crawling the walls for the last couple of weeks of countdown?

It’s a hundred times worse than any Christmas, birthday, or vacation countdown.

Maybe a thousand.  IMG_5417

Because I am wicked, I maintained the element of surprise all the way to the airport pickup.  I told them we were picking up Uncle John from a business trip.  This ruse was a plausible one, so they were looking hard for the wrong face.  The right face got right in front them before they recognized it.

Good times.

And for once I’m not being sarcastic.

This week’s post at Da Tech Guy is about Afghanistan.  Please do click over if you have the time!

Some Advice for Civilians


I love you guys.  You are so quick to befriend us when we move into your neighborhoods and communities.  You open your homes and your hearts, and you really respect my husband’s military service and the family sacrifices this service entails.

It is out of this love that I am writing this post.  To help you guys.  Because, as big as your hearts are, and as much as you respect us, you sometimes don’t know what to say.  When it comes to frequent moves and regular deployments, well, you sometimes don’t know what not to say.

I’m here to help.  With a list.

1.  Unless we are leaving in six months or sooner, don’t ask if we know where we are going next.  We don’t know.

2.  Don’t tell me about how you warn your children not to get too attached to our children because we will move in a couple of years.  That bothers me a little.

3.  Don’t tell me about the people you know who are totally messed up because of the frequent military moves during their childhood.  Seriously you guys.  It’s exactly like you are saying to me, “wow, your kids are screwed!”

4.  If my husband is deployed, and you haven’t seen me in a while, don’t say, “Wow!  He’s been gone ___ months already?  Time has just flown by!”  I know you mean that in an encouraging way, but a deployment only flies by when it’s not your loved one who is gone.

5.  If my husband is deployed, and you know of someone whose husband was deployed for a longer period, do not say, “Count your blessings, at least he is not gone as long as so-and-so!”  I know you mean to be encouraging, but I struggle with feeling insulted.  I’m already aware that many military families have it a lot tougher than we do.  To point out that fact somehow diminishes my own efforts.

6.  When the deployment is coming to a close, do not ask, “do I have a date yet?” in front of my childrenEven if I have a return date, I have not told them.  It’s hard enough for grownups to handle the anticipation, let alone children.  And even though they don’t know the exact date, they know the time is soon.  The end of deployment is a hundred times harder to wait for than Christmas Day.  So don’t remind them!

7.  There is another important reason you should not ask, “do I have a date?”  Even if I have one, there is no such thing as a guarantee in the military.  Big things (like 9/11) can interfere.  Even little things, like VIP visits or unexpected airplane maintainance, can delay a return.  Not only do I need to protect my children from being disappointed by the “needs of the military,” but frankly I need to protect myself from that too.  So don’t ask me zero in on a certain day.  Okay?

Okay.  Perhaps now you are thinking, well, cripes.  What am I allowed to say, that won’t offend your mysterious milspouse sensitivities?

I’ve got a list for that too.  Things you should say to military spouses:

1.  “How are you doing?”  Simple, I know.  It may even sound impersonal, but remember that if you know my husband is deployed, you will say it with an intonation that says, “have the kids driven you crazy yet?”

2.  “How are the kids doing?”  This may also sound impersonal, but it’s just another way of asking whether they are driving me crazy.

3.  “Is there anything I can do to help you?”  This is a vague offer of help, so it is not ideal, but I’ll take it in a pinch.  It might be that I was wishing the younger child didn’t have to come along to a soccer game, and I’ll say, yes.  Can you look after younger son for a few hours?  So don’t ask unless you mean it.

4.  “If there is any time when you need help, please let me know.”  This is the invitation to call you, should I ever need to take one child to the ER in the middle of the night.  I am not likely to take you up on this offer, but still.  I’m glad you offered.  It’s reassuring to know you can leave the healthy child with someone if you really have to.

5.   “Would you like to do ____ with us this weekend?”  One of the primary objectives of a military spouse during deployment is keeping busy.  Time goes by faster when you are busy.  Getting lots of invitations helps us keep busy.  So thanks.  Whether it is a church function, a sleepover, a day at the beach, or a trip to Walt Disney World, I am glad to have the opportunity.  Thanks for asking me!

6.  “Would you like me to take your sons to ____ activity?  You don’t have to come along.”  The answer is yes yes YES!  I do want you to take my sons to ____ activity!  And I do want to stay home!  This kind of offer makes you a sort of platinum level milspouse supporter.  Just in case you were wondering how to score a home run with your local military family.

Well, that’s about it.  In case you were wondering, yes.  Every single one of the items listed have actually occurred.  If it is negative then no, it wasn’t you.  It was someone else.

DoD Fakes Arrival Ceremonies Of Recovered Remains

These staged arrival ceremonies started seven years ago.  Seven.  Years.  Ago.  Who thought this rather sick version of a dog & pony show was a good idea?

Unfortunately, it is a good example of how military commands can become just as bloated and out-of-control as the rest of federal government.

The most disturbing part the original story: “In July, The Associated Press ran a story exposing a 2012 internal JPAC report that found . . . some missions that amounted to little more than paid vacations for staffers.”  Shameful.

Also, “Much of the inefficiency found by the GAO researchers comes down to a turf war between JPAC and the Defense Prisoner of War/Missing Personnel Office, which shares some of the same responsibilities, Congressional sources said.” A turf war. 

I’m feeling embarrassed about the state of those military commands.  Way to represent, people.

P.S.  Sorry I haven’t been around much, folks.  Thanks for still coming by.  I’ll get back to a regular routine when hub’s deployment is over.

Thanks for the Flowers

Happy 15th Anniversary, hubs.

Thanks for the flowers.  They are beautiful.  See you in a couple more months.


The Gods of the Carryout Fortunes Are Pleased

I may not have my husband around to appreciate me, but by golly I’ve done enough to get noticed.



Yes.  I am working hard, oh gods of the carry out.  Thank you for noticing!  Also, I’m hoping that a sacrifice of uneaten egg rolls and wonton chips will please you, because the leftover chicken will make a great lunch tomorrow.

Overwhelmed in a Good Way

Reckon we know the answer to the question “will Linda post regularly during this deployment?”  Yep, that would be a noooooo.  She will not.  The reasons are like most reasons, manifold, but they all meld together into one gigantic mass of Not Making Photo Albums, Not Sending Thank You Notes, Not Blogging, Not Housecleaning, and most certainly Not Taking Care of Hub’s Truck.

My life is a whirlwind, and every year it spins faster, and every year I tell myself I’m going to slow the wind until it doesn’t whirl anymore, but instead gently cools my face with its soothing waft.


The thing is, I’m starting to recognize what a huge blessing that whirlwind is.  It has always been there, and probably always will, but for most of my life it has been made out of worries and attempts to rationalize virtually everything I do.  Loneliness and isolation often permeated the air that flew past.

Lately, though, the whirlwind doesn’t feel so isolating.  I still feel overwhelmed, but that word isn’t as bad as it used to be.  Did you know that one can actually feel overwhelmed in a good way?

I didn’t know that.

I thought overwhelmed was bad.

It isn’t.

It still makes me a mess, the kind of mess that forgets stupidly obvious things and says stupidly obvious things, but not the kind of mess that feels lonely or isolated.

Instead, I just feel blessed.  So many people love and look after me and my family.  So many people are willing to help if I need it, and just as important, are willing to ask me if they need help.

Help used to be a kind of zero-sum game:  if you picked the wrong friends, they would either take advantage of you, or–as People-Superior-Than-Thou–they would rebuff your requests for help.

But that’s not really how life works, when it’s working well.

Is it?

Band-aids and Teddy Bears

Like ripping off a band-aid, the day my husband leaves for deployment is painful but a relief.  Instead of dreading, we get to anticipate:  six months and counting down.

The last time I thought I would post less while he was gone, which was silly in retrospect.  No predictions this time.  For now, I’m just going to enjoy the transition from preparing for deployment to enduring it.  Instead of the OCD-fueled race to Get Everything Fixed, Renewed, In Order, and Generally Done (which is never successful, by the way), there is the low-key filling of the days with Whatever Gets Us By.

Fast food for lunch? Cereal for dinner? Staying up later? Impulse shopping? Sure, what the heck. The family’s not complete when he’s gone, but for a little while at least the boys can have an easy-going mother.  Something I’m not always known to be.

Wish us luck on how long the mellow disposition lasts.

And yes, of course Lucky Bear is going too.

Lucky Bear


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